My dreams are usually bizarrely twisted versions of reality – but they are usually not anything to share…until now. I’m sharing the next two dreams purely due to the bizarre comedic nature of their freaky fun content.
Dream 1: I find myself in a vehicle traveling dangerously fast along an autobahn-like superhighway. I am in the back of the vehicle. It is a boxy, obviously an off-road “Jeep” type vehicle. It has many features that remind me of the 1960’s Series Land Rovers that I once owned and drove. A truly off-center difference is that the entire interior is carpeted in plush, deep, black shag carpet. It was really quite nice – in the dream. I then notice that I am sitting, not in a vehicle seat – there are no standard back seats or inward-facing jump seats as in some jeep-style two-door vehicles – I am facing forward and sitting in an old folding aluminum lawn chair with green plastic webbing. There are no seat belts and the seat is not attached to the floor as it should be. It and I are just at the mercy of physics should this wild ride abruptly end.
Weird. But it is about to get even weirder.
There is someone in the driver’s seat and someone in the passenger seat.
The driver turns to say something to the passenger and I recognize him – it’s Elon Musk. Then I recognize the passenger- it’s Neil DeGrasse Tyson. They are chatting about this new truck – so it must be that we are in Elon’s Cybertruck.
But it sure does not look like a Cybertruck on the inside. Anyhow, Elon then says into the air “Autopilot Engaged” then he gets up, climbs over the seats, walks past me, and gets a drink from the built-in bar, the bartender is a shiny stainless steel (probably 304L) robot who reminds me of Bender from Futurama – only chrome plated and more menacing with a HAL 9000-like huge red camera-lens-like eye and many more arms – I would guess at least 6 but he is waving them all around like Dr. Octopus so it was hard to count them. The bizarro-bartender-Bender-bot then handed Musk the drink – I believe it was a Mojito…but it was bubbling and glowing blue and had a mad scientist-like smoke-like vapor sublimating from its bubbling surface – Musk passes it to DeGrasse Tyson who thanks him and is laughing while sipping his drink and acting as if all this is nothing new.
All the while the Cybertruck is expertly navigating around all manner of speeding swerving cars that are smashing into each other, exploding into conflagrations of twisted metal and flesh, running off the roads, and smashing head-on into trees and careening off cliffs…suddenly the Cybertruck abruptly swerves and takes an exit onto a dirt road not much wider than the truck itself, it then accelerates to an unbelievable warp-like speed and everything out the windows is an unrecognizable blur – yet its electric drive train is noticeably and eerily silent…and somehow the Cybertruck is staying attached to the road – I think to myself “maybe it is using its cold-gas thrusters and/or Elon and team have invented anti-gravity technology…”
Elon and Neil are laughing and drinking their bubbling blue smoking Mojitos and Neil says “How is it that physics isn’t coming into play here – by my best calculations we should be dead in the pool of glacial meltwater at the bottom of that giant crevasse?” I look left and yes, a giant crevasse – we are now on a glacier that is melting fast due to anthropogenic climate change brought on by excessive fossil fuel consumption…Musk says “It’s bad-ass Tesla technology Neil.” he laughs and Neil laughs with him and they drink more of their strange blue mojitos and all the while the Cybertruck is just carrying on without any issue as all hell is breaking loose around us…wait, are we flying?
All I can think about is how I am in a lawn chair, not wearing a seat belt, and the shag carpet was a nice choice – and then I wake up. WTF? I really wanted to see how that one ended.
Now I am worried that when I finally do get my Cybertruck – it won’t have the shag carpet or a bizarro-bartender-Bender-bot.
Dream 2: I’m in a public place. It seems to be a festival of some sort. I see a very buxom woman with long brown hair and a very low-cut tank top running a hot dog stand specializing in vegan brats – her sign reads “My wieners have all the length and girth you can stand.” Woah – really! That’s bold.
I then notice she seems upset. I move closer and she leans down to tell me something – when she does her massive breasts almost fall out of her tiny pink tank top and I notice she has sweat beading up all over her body and she is trembling with fear. She then says something about a snake. For a moment I wonder if her “snake” comment is just her way of coming onto me. My query is answered by her total fear-based reaction – she is clearly terrified of something. Obviously, I investigate further to see if I can assist her with her snake issue. She tells me there is a snake under her hot dog cart and she points in the direction – and I notice she has 2-inch-long electric-blue fingernails.
I look where she is pointing under the cart and discover a smallish snake. It is coiled in the grass near one of the cart’s tires. It is about 2 feet long. At first, it seems to be a Copperhead. Venomous, yes – but not anything to worry that much about as long as you do not get too close. So I get ready to go in and move the snake to a safe place so she can get back to selling her oversized phallically themed sweaty vegan brats.
As if all that was not strange enough…
Suddenly, the snake starts to rapidly grow! It grows and stretches to thousands of times its earlier size to become a monstrous snake-like creature about 20 feet in length with a girth like an elephant’s trunk. It has several rows of unusual crab leg-like venomous talon-tipped appendages below its head and dozens of black, unblinking eyes, and a huge venom-dripping stinger on the end of its whip-like tail. As it is writhing around above the hot dog cart the buxom woman and all the people nearby run off shouting in absolute terror…
I stand there watching the carnage and then say to myself: “This is just not possible, this is not reality – so this must be a dream and I am the dreamer. That is the only logical explanation of this event.”
Then I wake up.
Dang. I really wanted to see how that one ended.
No drugs, alcohol, or unusual foods were ingested before I went to bed. These are just the natural drugs produced by my own brain and some wild drugs they must be.
Dreams are fun.