To create a life is rather easy, people do it all the time.
To create good people, that is possibly the most difficult thing we will ever do.
We have all heard about the nature vs nurture debate, and from where I stand as an observer of nature, I see many deep connections between all living things everywhere I look – connections that run like fungal mycelium throughout the deep-time tapestry of life.
These ancient genetic connections are incredibly apparent to me because I see them in myself. I was adopted as a newborn and spent the next several decades with wonderful, loving parents who nurtured and cared for me, giving me a comfortable home, an education, and most of all, the ability to think for myself. They let me choose my own path – they did not force on me any specific religion, politics, or any other worldviews – they let me choose for myself who I was to become. They were the nurture side of the coin that I received in this coin toss called life.
On the nature side of the coin: From a very young age, my curiosity about the natural world around me was incredibly strong. I have always had a deep empathetic nature and a deep connection to animals, nature, wildlife, and the silent teachers that exists in the forest, an endlessly flowing river, the rolling ocean waves, and the deeptime knowledge that exists in every rock, tree, mountain, water drop, and in our own DNA – these are teachers that only some of us can hear. Due to these deep connections to the natural world I always wondered if I had inherited this intense love and focus on nature from my biological family.
Then, in 2018, I used the tools of science to find my genetic family and my suspicions were confirmed – my love of nature was indeed genetic – my father and all my family members were great lovers of nature and all things wild and wonderful. My father and I shared so many things in common – even down to things like favorite foods, TV shows, music, vehicles, wildlife, it is really astounding how many deep connections we share.
So for me specifically, the nature vs nurture argument is no longer a debate – i am a product of both of these things.
From my point of view, and from my lived experience – I believe that at birth we carry within our genetic code, a singular sequence specifically written by the experiences of our parents, grandparents, great grandparents and far far back into deeptime, to a time before we gave ourselves names, before we harnessed fire, before we were even human. This ancient code sequence is the nature side of the coin. It is a hard written instinct stamped into our DNA by the experiences of all our ancestors. This ancient code is expressed, like it or not, by our consciousness. But what the heck is consciousness anyway?
In an attempt to answer this age old question we need to flip the coin back over to the nurture side again and ask – what about our consciousness? Where does it come from? What is it that allows us to look in the mirror and say “Hello me, i recognize that i exist…i think therefore i am.”
Where does the consciousness originate? Some say it is all in the mind…and maybe this is so. However, I sometimes wonder if it comes from outside the body…another realm of existence that we have yet to identify. Maybe we and all life on earth are part of this unique and massive energy field…this Singularity…and we are greatly limiting ourselves when we think that we are separate, apart, alone individuals. But in reality…a reality we have not discovered yet because we are not yet ready, not evolved enough to experience that reality and understand it…maybe we are all connected deeper than we could ever imagine. Maybe when our body exhausts itself and ceases to exist, maybe our unique consciousness – our soul – retreats back into this unknown realm, this undiscovered country, to rejoin with the rest of the whole where it then shares its lifetime of experiences with its “peers” afterwhich it is reset, and then born again as another lifeform on earth…or another planet in the vast cosmos – and the cycle continues.
I do not believe in omnipotent beings – a god or gods – and therefore i do not believe a devine creator being gives us each a unique consciousness – at soul – at birth. I have this hypothesis that at birth, our consciousness is a blank clean slate…like a new computer waiting to have is blank but eager to learn storage drives filled up with all our unique photos, music, stories, history – the unique things we save close to our hearts and minds – the things that make us, us.
Maybe we are all born with this same basic, “blank slate” consciousness. Maybe this blank slate consciousness is exactly the same for everyone – it is a carbon copy of whatever the first one was, whatever the first human being was. Then, as we live and grow and are exposed to our family, friends, society, the media, religion, politics, science, culture, war, love, hate, bullies, hippies, laughter, passion, sickness, trauma, etc – maybe it is only after this exposure to all these unique outside experiences and influences, coupled with the genetic expression of our instinctual nature knowledge passed down from our unique evolutionary lineages, does our unique consciousness truly becomes ours, and only ours. It becomes unique to each human due to the unique experiences each of us has experienced as well as the deep genetic connections we brought forward in time from our unique ancestrial DNA.
Maybe the “me” and “you” parts of our thinking brains are exactly the same until they experience life, the universe, and everything around us during our first few years of life – and then we become the unique individuals that we are – we become the you and the me that we see in the mirror.
If all this is so, then to guide an innocent young human into adulthood as a parent, teacher, or mentor, is possibly the greatest responsibility one could ever hold.
In mid May of 2024 I was visiting family in central Florida and found a tick embedded on the small of my back. I pulled it off and flushed it, as i have done hundreds of times before – im a naturalist and spend alot of time outdoors. I’ve probably had over 100 ticks embedded in my skin over my 57 years of life and I have treated all of them the same – a good flushing and then go on with life.
Then, a few weeks later, I awoke with unusual symptoms that I thought was COVID-19. I made the trip to the local urgent care only to discover it was Rocky Mountian Spotted Fever and a co-infection of Ehrlichiosis. The docs put me on a month-long course of Doxycycline and another antibiotic, I cannot remember the name of. As usual, the antibiotics messed up my digestion and made me feel slightly nauseous, but between doses I ate dairy-free yogurt (I’m allergic to bovine milk) and it eased the backlash from my microbiome.
The week after the symptoms started, I experienced only one day of fever that never went above 101 and only a few hours of a frontal headache that a bag of ice calmed down a bit. The only namesake spot I developed was at the location of the bite – the spot was like a crusty scab about 1/4″ in diameter – and it didn’t fully heal for many months… weird. The infectious disease specialist said that was indeed a symptom of RMSF…but that most people infected by this nasty parasite develop spots all over their body…so I was, in fact, lucky.
I did not feel lucky.
For the next 9 months i had almost constant brain fog and almost no energy, and it took all my willpower to drag myself off the sofa to do anything. (I’m still finding it very hard to get off the sofa…)
In mid-December of 2024, I started feeling a bit better, but I was still lethargic, and it took me hours to get going in the AM. Sometimes I wouldn’t leave the house until after 11am…sometimes not at all.
By spring of 2025, I could feel the fog lifting and had more good days than bad.
Fast forward to mid-summer. I took a walk in the woods, and shortly after, I found another tick embedded in my leg. I was in a remote location, so I carefully removed it and kept it in the event the docs wanted to ship it off to the infectious disease lab to be studied (they didn’t), but they did give me a preventive dose of Doxycycline again, but no tick vectored disease retest.
Fast forward to today. For ~18 months, I have been living with the bizarre health impacts of RMSF and Erlichia.
It has been a roller coaster ride of truly bizarre symptoms. In the beginning, and for the first 9 months, I had daily lethargy, fatigue, muscle and joint pain as well as heavy brain fog, on and off depression, and sensitivity to light, sound, hot and cold – especially cold – and short-term memory problems.
Then, for the last 9 months or so, on most days the brain fog and chronic fatigue symptoms have lessened a bit but, the muscle and joint pain, unexpected weakness, sensitivity to light and sound and heat and cold have increased – sometimes to the point where I feel as if I cannot do simple tasks such as taking out the trash or lifting a wrench. For the last couple of months, the muscles and joints of my lower arms and not as much my legs, have felt as if they have been hit with several blows from a hammer…but there is no recent trauma or bruising – my calf muscles often cramp, and I have nerve pain/neuropathy in my feet. My elbows and lower arms ache when I move them – and it gets worse when I try to move or lift anything…a real-life example, imagine if your lower arm muscles hurt when you squeeze the toothpaste tube to brush your teeth – that is what this is like. It truly suks in every way possible…but at least I’m not on fire LOL.
I am an active person with many plans and projects going on at all times. However, since I acquired this nasty, tick-vectored infection, I have not at all been myself. I feel like I am a prisoner in my own malfunctioning meatpuppet spacesuit that we often call a body. I have had to put many plans on hold simply because I do not have the energy to do them.
Needless to say, the events of the last 18 months have really started to weigh heavily on my mind. I am truly concerned for the future of my health. Chronic fatigue and pain with an insidious creeping lethargic depression have become my normal state. Recently, my doc mentioned that my symptoms are similar to ME/CFS, but he does not want to make that complex call just yet…
The only things keeping me positive and looking to the future have been my wonderful wife, who has helped me so much during this long-term ordeal. She has always stood by my side to help me get through this, and I love her so much for her care and compassion at this low point in my journey.
Earthshine Nature Programs, the small nonprofit organization I founded and operate on the side, has also helped me, as it has given me purpose. My nature and environmental outreach programming has taken me to many local summer camps, schools, and festivals, where the smiling, happy faces of the next generation always lift my spirits and give me hope.
My wonderful 501c3 volunteers and interns and my coworkers – they have all been so supportive during this time. They have checked in on my classroom and nature center and its inhabitants and/or taken on the heavy lifting needs of my programming and gone above and beyond the call of duty. Thank you all for being so awesome!
My 501c3 friends and supporters who have helped me keep things moving forward, even when I’m moving as slow as cold molasses in winter.
My personal friends have freely given their kindness and support and have been so patient with me, and for all that, I cannot thank them enough. They are all my heroes!!! I truly do not know what I would do without them.
My doctor has worked tirelessly to get me through this. Over the years, he has gotten me through many common and not-so-common health challenges, but this one may be the biggest yet. I know that he will find a treatment for this condition, and that gives me great hope that one day, I will come out of this depressed state of physical and mental health and get back to life.
Currently, my most recent bloodwork came back mostly OK, so that is a good thin,g and the new Rx of Lyrica seems to really be helping with the pain.
Personal insights I have gained from this ongoing health misadventure:
If you are an outdoor-oriented person, as I am…or was…then please heed this warning; if you find a tick on you and it is embedded in your skin, do the following immediately:
Go to your nearest urgent care facility. Have them remove the blood-sucking parasite the correct way. They may send it off to be tested so they can update the range maps, etc.
If they do not prescribe a preventive dose of antibiotics such as Doxycycline, then please ask them to do so. DO NOT TAKE THE CHANCE. DO NOT PLAY RUSSIAN ROULETTE with your health.
Learn about the tick/mosquito and other parasite-vectored diseases in your area and know what to do if you or a loved one is bitten* by a parasite.
4. Keep your outdoor pets treated for ticks/fleas – humans are often infected with parasites that hitchhike inside the home on their pets, then drop off and bite the human inhabitants of the home.
When journeying into the wild, always take precautions to keep the nasty parasites from feeding on your meatpuppet body suit.
Nature is beautiful, but it does not care about you, your family, or your friends. You are just another animal trying to survive on a unique wet rock floating in space, and nature will kill, devour, digest, crap out, and recycle you if given the chance. Therefore, you are responsible for taking care of yourself and your loved ones. Improvise, adapt, overcome, evolve, survive, and thrive.
Learn more about parasite-vectored diseases in your area:
I have been bitten by many cats, dogs, a few Opossums, many non-venomous snakes, one venomous timber rattlesnake, a mad prairie dog, and a few humans – but the painless bite of a tiny tick has, BY FAR, been the most damaging and debilitating of them all.
If a highly advanced, long-lived, extraterrestrial species from another galaxy landed on Earth today and told us we were all part of a long-term planetary biology/evolution “lab” experiment designed and implemented several million years ago in the attempt to discern the direction biological evolution would take under the unique environmental conditions offered by this planet and its star…
…and/or…
If Jesus (or any other religious prophet) returned and/or appeared – and he was a dark skinned, barefoot, long haired, “herb” smoking, robe wearing, bisexual, “hippie” “dude” whose pronown was “whatever man” and he was asking all of us to destroy our walls, weapons, governments, religions, superficial labels and divisions, and all coexist and live in harmony…
Recent events suggest that many people who call themselves religious would probably deny the flesh and blood evidence standing in front of them, and cry “demon,” “witch,” ” infidel,” “imposter,” – and then try to crucify and/or dissect them.
Sadly, the fearful, preconceived notions of what many believe their god and/or extraterrestrial visitors should be are far too limiting and microscopically small, to allow them to see the grandeur of the cosmos as it actually exists, and all the amazing possibilities it may hold.
Some of us have the rare ability to look ourselves in the mirror and reflect on our choices, make changes, look at the past as a learning experience and never do it again, and then go on with life.
Some do not have that ability and need help from those who do.
All of us need to forcefully pry open our third eye to see the violence inherent in the system, step outside of it, and see the religiopolitical matrix for what it really is: a manufactured control machine designed to keep us down by any and all means, so the dangerous, mean, rich and powerful – and those dumb as a bag of steaming fresh scat – remain in control behind the curtains pulling the strings and collecting the wealth while the rest of us scratch, scrape, and slurp to get by in this manufactured automaton we call a society.
The star we call Sol sent out its energy across the deep void of space…the oceans and land warmed…waters evaporated…clouds grew tall and mighty…wind blew, rains fell, and fell, and rivers jumped out of their banks…their mindless liquid fury eating up the ephemeral landscape while ending all the innocents in its path…the humans cried out – “Why?!?”
The heat and humidity continue to build and build…and the exhaustion and heat stroke drop more and more of us…the sick, the old, and the weak…the humans cried out – “Why?!?”
The land drys out, clouds move over, and, like socks on carpet in winter – friction charges them up like big fluffy sky capacitors and their charge is soon released in great jagged bolts of superheated plasma – igniting the dry lands below…
…and monsterous unstoppable wildfires race across the landscape indescrimanantly devouring everything and everyone in their path…while simultaneously sending choking toxic smoke far and wide beyond their perimeter…the humans cried out – “Why?!?”
The snows, glaciers, sea ice, permafrost, and ice caps melt, while those bedded and beached upon the shore watch as the waters rise, and rise, and rise some more – they build their stuff – buildings, roads, bridges, and walls – higher while they watch in disbelief as their homes are taken back by the mighty and timeless great blue ocean…the humans cried out – “Why?!?”
…and yet, the complacent, self absorbed, multi-colored, mostly hairless, big brained, bipedal apes that call themselves the humans continue to ignore…the reality.
Still they burn…like an addict sucking down cancer sticks as fast as possible while their lungs rot out of their chest…faster they drill baby drill and burn baby burn, more and more oil…more and more coal…more and more gas…more and more and more of this ancient, trapped sunlight and carbon-rich energy…these fossil fuels: the true and tested evidence-supported peer-reviewed root cause of all the “natural” disasters we are all now facing.
And yet, as they watch the sky and pray and cry for the lost – still they choose to blame and deny. And the humans cried out – “Why?!?”
Do they deny because an imaginary sky god or grinning political figurehead made its way into their brain and told them piles of lies about how things work?
I do not know, but I have a suspicion.
But my question remains…why?
Why can’t they think for themselves?
Why do they need a leader, a father figure, a tribe, a chief to tell them his why?
Why can’t they understand and support what their own eyes see?
Why do they continue to deny the facts and findings, the science, the reality?
They laugh and scoff and call it a hoax as they blame the rich, the scientist, the empathetic, the poor, the immigrant, the elderly, those who live differently than they do, and they always loudly blame the “other” – it is obvious to me that they must not care at all about their Mother…or father…or children…or all the “others” on “their” side…and the “other” side of all the imaginary lines they have drawn on pages, in the sands, and in their heads…lines that were intentionally designed to seperate and to create the fear and hate that feeds their bloody war machines and bloated bank accounts…that all are automated by and in support of all the ancient fossil fueled lies.
They often wrongly say the “other” “tribes,” the leftists, the hippies, the pot smokers, the mexicans, the women, the gays, yhe lesbians, and the science types made all these things happen with bribes, tricks, and planes, schools, books, and sprays, and “seeds,” and loads and loads of lies…all to build support to fund their own needs.
This is not reality.
The reality is this: the liers and deniers are in fact on both “sides.”
We are all to blame for our own demise.
They often pray and say their god(s) will keep them safe from the storms, the heat, the sickness and pain…and that it is also their gods who are punishing those who have died for some terrible “sin”…what a childish and heartless reply designed by some nasty old guys with dollar signs in their greedy uncrying black eyes.
Bad sports they are in this game of games while they point crooked fingers and yell hateful names…at all the “others” but never, in the mirror, never ever admitting they were wrong in the game, but always claiming they were wronged by the game…and yet, somehow, they are unable to own up to their own errors in judgement, unable to give aid to those who were maimed.
So many wonderful and beautiful people have tragically died, their lives, homes, and towns washed away, burned, bombed, blown down,
…yet still those that remain, still they choose to deny.
Why?!?!?
Still they cheat, swindle, disrespect, and lie through their perfect little grinning blood dripping teeth, while they get fatter and fatter like bloated parasites sucking the life out of you and me with their toxicly malignant pride.
Those that choose to rebel, to disagree and fight back…they are soon dissappeared. Murdered in cold blood by heartless, soulless, uncaring, brainless, tiny boned, shrunken, little old white men (descended from immigrants), and their throngs of ultra dangerous ultra proud boylike yes men and women – the ultimate toady brown nosers and arse kissers, in suits and masks, hoods, and pointy hats, who will lie rapid fire to your face while shiny gold crosses hang around their necks – nothing at all matters to them except to feel powerful and to win, win, win.
Yes, that is it I believe, they must win. If they lose out in their lust for “greatness” and power, they actually believe – in their tiny, dessicated, shrunken husk of a mind – that they have failed. So, no matter the cost to themselves, their family, city, country, environment, or the entire earth – no matter the cost to our species, they must win. They are the ultimate sore losers, the ultimate bitter, hateful, venomous, malignant, bullies.
When will they ever take responsibility?
What will it take?
Or are they so full of ego, greed, hubris, fear, meanness and hate that they will choose to go down with their ship while pointing their finger at those they have labeled as the enemy…when the real enemy is inside.
This is yet another horrible and avoidable tragedy. Please do all in your power to help those in need.
Shifting gears a bit – Here’s the thing: when I was in college, I learned from my professors, and from my own research in the campus library and online, all about anthropogenic climate change/global warming or whatever you choose to call it. I learned why it is happening, I looked at all the evidence, and all these data, evidence, and facts, they needed no support – they stood alone. It was so obviously real that it made it past my logic and reason filters – and guess what, I understood and accepted it all as peer-reviewed reality.
Here’s the other thing: everything all those scientists (NASA, NOAA, NWS, etc, and all the independent scientists all over the planet studying the issue said would happen – is now coming to pass- heck it has been happening for decades.
I have watched as the climate has noticeably warmed – we didn’t need fans in our home until the mid 1990’s, or air conditioning until 2010 – and now, when the HVAC fails (due to the storms, power outages, etc.), all the floor and ceiling fans and our bodies own built-in cooling systems (sweat glands) can barely keep us from dangerously overheating.
The sea level has visibly risen on the beaches I have been visiting over the last 50+ years of my life.
The once frequent snows of “winter” have turned into cool and sometimes even warm rains…or super-concentrated cold spells – aka Polar Vortexes…vortices? – that have been colder than any cold I can remember.
I have watched springs and creeks dry up and trees die due to the unusually long periods of heat-induced drought.
Almost every year, I have witnessed more frequent and intense wildfires, as well as the unbelievable air pollution the fires bring.
Then there are the hurricanes – (Andrew, Katrina, Harvey, Helene!!!) – more and more powerful every season, more and more rain, wind, destruction.
We then have the wildlife species that never lived in my region, migrating into the wilds near my home – some examples include but are not limited to: the Coyote (the earliest to arrive), the Nine-banded armadillo, Fire ants, Bedbugs, mosquitoes, ticks, and, needless to say, many different nasty diseases – two of these are tick-vectored diseases that I have contracted and still suffer symptoms from – Rocky Mountain Spotted fever and Ehrlichia.
Anthropogenic climate change is an evidence-supported, peer-reviewed fact.
If you choose to not believe me or the thousands of climate scientists and researchers, then just watch and/or read the horrific headlines from the climate change-induced/exacerbated storms, floods, heatwaves, droughts, polar vertices, wildfires, toxic air and water pollution, sea level rise, etc, etc.
Or just walk yourself outside and wait a while.
This climate change thing is not a political plot or ploy to make the Democrats, “leftists” and “greenies” rich, that is ridiculous and you know it. Nor is this some sort of scam cooked up by “the Chinese” – this shit is real so please just keep your political (and religious) BS out of the important business of discovering the impacts of our species on the the evidence-supported peer-reviewed findings and facts of the natural world and its systems that support us all.
But even if still choose to ignore the evidence, the science, and the new reality of the dangerous situation we have made for ourselves by burning copious amounts of fossil fuels over the last few hundred years – say what you will and believe what and who you choose…but your belief in something or someone does not make your choice a fact – unless it has the evidence to back it up.
Like Evolution by Natural Selection, Climate Change has mountains of supportive peer-reviewed evidence. If you choose to not believe all these mountains of evidence, from all over the planet and even satellites orbiting in space…then all I can say to you is buckle up buttercup, and “enjoy” the ride because we are all riding on this crazy train of life together. There is nowhere to run, nowhere to hide and the cold beauty that some call mother nature is as mad as hell at the dumbass “thinking” ape clan for fukin up the planet – and I fear this is only the beginning and there is going to be some serious hell to pay.
Please remember – nature does not give one single hot puckered rodent arse about any of us, so you better learn how to take care of yourself. Be ready. Stay vigilant. Be prepared. And above all, do good things to help others in need around you, because we are all riders on the same 4.5 billion-year-old planetary boat afloat in the vast ocean of space and time.
The more I learn about archeology and anthropology, the more I discover that primates and violence seem to go hand in hand.
Sadly, this fact, encoded in our DNA, and in the DNA of every human walking the earth today going all the way back to our humble beginnings on the African savanna – is a deepset part our our own evolutionary history.
It may be that our unique primate opposable thumb+big “thinking” brain combination – while an incredible engineering and survival tool kit – has a great and fatal flaw. That great flaw often leads us to believe things and then do things, not because they are true and supported by evidence, but because we want them to be true, we need them to be true, possibly to satisfy some ancient need, or qwell a fear that exists only in the past. Sadly, it seems that for many Modern humans, believing something is true is easier than working to find out if it really is true.
This great and fatal flaw may in fact be the undoing of our species, leaving us as just another fossilized animal deposit in the rock strata of deep time.
Honestly, I hope I am wrong on this, but the evidence from the last few hundred decades suggests otherwise. Looking at the fossil record of our family tree we see that every single one, every one – every early human save for us, only exists, no longer in the flesh, but as ancient fossil remains recorded in the rocks. May it be that these ancestors of ours are extinct by their own hand? Maybe the fatal flaw was their downfall? Maybe the fatal flaw will render us extinct as it may have done for them? I hope not. We have so much potential.
Or maybe it was their strong, evolutionary survival instinct that lead to a hyper-selfish focus on surviving which, over time, selected for early humans with a lack of empathy – with only a drive and focus to acquire that which it needed to survive while pushing its own kind out of the way. Millions of years ago it was competition for food and brute strength that kept the bullies alive.
Today, it’s not food, it’s money and power thry need. The vestigial fatal flaw is directing the uncaring bullies to compete. In their minds, they are still fighting to survive – it is all their DNA will allow them to do. Instead of adapting to adopt an empathetic sharing nature that would benefit all members of their family, and species – they chose self over society.
Empathy, is one of the most important aspects of what it means to be human. Without empathy for others of your kind, you are just another smart, strong, competitive predator. Maybe it is empathy that is the answer, maybe it is the genetic key that unlocks the next level in our own evolution.
Will we level up…or will we damn dirty apes choose to fearfully continue to bar our teeth and bash each other’s skulls in just as so many countless human primates stretching back millions of years into the past have done before?
A personal history lesson that may inspire others to get some much-needed mental and spiritual health help.
Please keep in mind if you choose to read this: I did not write it as an attack on anyone’s personal beliefs/politics etc., your beliefs and political choices are yours and yours alone.
What follows are only my own personal experiences, observations, and opinions on these establishments, as well as a deep self-analysis and critique of myself and of the system we humans are born into and are often told we must just accept as “This is just the way things are.” – without ever questioning any part of it…or else!
It would have been far easier on me if I did not choose to question any of it, but thats just not me. I have always asked the questions many fear to ask.
Therefore…
I have chosen to share this with you in the hopes that my story, my observations, my informed choices based on the answers (and lack thereof) that I have uncovered and discovered, may serve to offer you some insight into your own decision making process.
If my choices, thoughts, and words, upset, offend, or anger, you, I apologize, that was not my intent.
However, your offense or anger at my thoughts, observations, and personal opinions may in fact suggest that there could be some truths in what I have observed, truths that only you must confront in order to grow as a concious, thinking, human being.
Let us begin.
When I was growing up, my developing, impressionable young mind, and later my young adult mind, was frequently subjected to what I now see as intentionally targeted religious and political trauma. To use some of the now common derogatory catchphrases being passed around by those seeking to mold and control the minds and actions of others;
I was conditioned, brainwashed, force-fed, and even indoctrinated into all of it by many well-meaning, yet unknowingly (or maybe knowingly) previously “indoctrinated” people all around me.
So many adults, often calmly, and nicely – but in all likelihood unknowingly – threatened me with, what, to me at the time, were deeply and intentionally terrifying words and imagery, from bizarre ancient stories and fables often used as scare tactics to try to persuade me to act a certain way, behave, and maybe even actually believe their unusual old stories as actual fact-supported reality – even though they could provide absolutely zero fact-based evidence to any of the characters and happenings in these old fables.
Yes, many of the ancient fables had good lessons, lessons that are important for all of us to live by today. However, some of the stories were bizarre, twisted, and even bloody.
When I would ask my elders if the stories and the people in them were real (and later, why there was no evidence) they would almost always say “you just have to have faith my son, and just believe.” I would reply – “do you mean like believing in the Easter bunny, Santa Claus, bigfoot, or the Loch Ness monster?” They would always reply, no – this is different. When I asked how it was different they would answer with; “it just is.” or “Just trust me on this.” So no…no real answers, only many failed attempts to deflect and delete my genuine curiosity in the why and how of these wierd stories, and this thing we call life.
Don’t even get me started on the absolute physical/biological/hydrologic/meteorological/geographic and temporal impossibilities of the Noah, Jonah, and the parting of the Red sea stories…and so much more. Case in point – the Sloth and Noah’s ark – how did sloths get from what is now central and south America…to the middle east? What about penguins…and Tasmanian devils, Banana slugs, the flightless Kiwi birds of New Zealand…enough said.
None of it made any sense to my curious, logic-seeking young mind.
I did not understand the purpose of any of it.
I eventually concluded the following; due to the huge lack of evidence – most of the adults must be living in a make believe collective fantasy world that exists only inside their own heads…and if this was not terrifying enough, the simple yet utterly terrifying fact is this; they were attempting to assimilate me and countless others into their imaginary, elite world of gods, devils, ghost* people with bird wings (if you are the ghost of a dead person then why do you need wings, don’t ghosts have the enchanted ability to defy gravity?), talking snakes, heaven and hell, bible, cross…and now, gun and flag-waving creepy racist and hateful religiopolitical, book banning, clubs and cults. *yet another bizarre evidence-lacking construct the adults share with their children…why?
It was as if you could not even exist as a human being in this society…in this tangible world of reality, without being a member of one of their imaginary worlds of make believe – and be a part of their flock, fold, party, club, organization, congregation, or cult.
I aksed them why a person could not exist without being a member of their cultish, seperatist, religious and political clubs – yet no one could answer this question…it was as if they had never even considered it…or maybe they were conditioned to be afraid to even consider it.
They would often say those individuals following other types of religions/political systems were full of, and led by, nonbelievers – and all of them were lost souls – doomed to rot and burn in the festering fires of hell for eternity.
Even more unusual; periodically they would mass together and chant bizarrely worded and phrased sayings and songs and then symbolically ingest the “body” and “blood” of one of their long-dead – but not dead – savior beings…then say things like “those who do not choose to follow our loving, living (yet dead but not dead…WTAF) savior will burn in the fires of hell for eternity” and that if I did not join their specific fold, flock, team, or congregation – so would I. What wierd and sadistic ways to love your flock and your children.
It was all so freakin bizarre and such a horribly traumatizing thing to subject young children to – yet from my point of view, everyone I knew was, in one way or another, in one cult or another.
Later, while reading the dictionary and encyclopedia (yes, i read them often for fun), I discovered the word cult and concluded, based on the definition and my own observations, that this is what almost everyone I knew was a part of – these widely accepted, even called “normal” by the masses – these cults of religion and politics.
Websters definition of cult:
-A religion* regarded as unorthodox or spurious.
-Great devotion to a person, idea, object, movement, or work.
*Religion: -A personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices
-the service and worship of God or the supernatural
-commitment or devotion to religious faith or observance
-the state of being religious
-A cause, principle, or system of beliefs held to with ardor and faith
Scrupulous conformity
I have chosen to share my story with you in the hopes that my observations and choices may offer you some insight and awareness that may serve to help you in some way.
Synonyms of religion: creedo, creed, faith, persuasion, cult.
As I input more knowledge into my young brain, I began to connect many dangerously toxic dots, dots that seemed so blatantly obvious to me, but for some odd reason we’re invisible to everyone else around me. None of any of it made any sense.
I also frequently overheard seemingly good people, and the smaller numbers of fanatical, cultish believers often gossiping and saying mean and nasty things behind the backs of others – some who were even their friends and family – such as; “they are going to forever burn in the fires of hades because they don’t live as we do, love as we do, and believe as we do and worship our god, the one true and only god,” and/or, “What a communist democrat” or “damn greedy republicans, all they care about is themselves.” and “they are all a clear and present danger to our way of life and if you don’t worship HIM , and/or vote for HIM or HER, then your soul and this country is done for.”
Yikes! Why can’t these people actually think for themselves?!?!?!
Why can they not see the obvious facts before them – that these religious and political systems we believe to be so solid, lasting, and permanent…they are yet more examples of experiments in small numbers of weathy, powerful people, controlling large numbers of less fortunate “common” people. That is all this is, nothing more – it is yet more examples of humans experimenting…and like the thousands of dead religions and failed societal governing systems – these to shall eventually pass into the history books alongside all the others. I know this to be reality now, but way back then…I believed in them, and believing did far more harm to me and absolutely no good came of it.
What about that thing that so many of them so often preached about – you know, not judging others…? I guess that one only applied to them on Sundays – and I watched as so many of them said one thing on Sunday, then did another all the other days of the week. This fact truly irritated me deeply because it was evidence that the believers didnt really believe and it was all an act, a stunt, a way to seem to be conforming to societal norms.
With all the confusion in my head, I would often ask my elders: why would a loving, all powerful, creator being toss its own creations – it’s children that it claimed to love and cherish – into a lake of boiling hot lava and fire – after they had already died, as if death was not bad enough – and then leave them there to suffer the fire, lava, scary, ill tempered red devils and such for eternity* (so strange right?) – if they said a “bad” word…or didn’t spend their entire short life showering them with love by paying homage to them all the time and give them their finite money and time on Sunday and Wendsday, and through the mail…why would an omnipotent god-being that could do anything it wanted – including make money, riches, things, and entire planets, stars, galaxies, etc…from nothing…why would it need ephemeral human money…why all the endless butt kissing and showering of its massive ego…why would it need to send one of its creations that it had a disagreement with to the magma-filled mantle of the planet (why THIS planet, why not one of the trillions of other planets out there in the Milky Way galaxy…or any of the countless other galaxies??) to endlessly torment thise who were on the naughty list? How did this “devil” not instantly incinerate?…oh right…it is super natural…riiiiight. *Oh and by the way, I was under the impression that once a creature is dead, it cannot feel anything – including pain – any longer. What gives here?
If my choices, thoughts, and words, offend, anger, or upset you, I apologize, that was not my intent. However, your offense at my thoughts and observations may suggest that there could be some truth in what I have observed, truth that only you must confront in order to grow as a human being.
I would also often ask;
What about the bizarre, yet bizarrely accepted practice in some religions of allowing newborn babies to have their genitals mutilated under the knife (or even the mouth!!) in the name of their parent’s chosen religion – myself included – what kind of loving god so brainwashes its believers that they freely choose to commit this barbaric act!!!??? What right did they and do they still have to commit such a heinous, destructive, and traumatic act in the first fragile moments of the life of a brand new human!!!??? It is a truly despicable and disgusting blood-soaked ritual that must be abolished. It was not yours to chop or bite off in the name of your imaginary god!!! I want my foreskin back!!! Yes, I went there.
Then, not that long ago, twisted lunatic fringe dwelling religious fanatics killed even more people by hijacking and flying passenger airplanes full of innocent people into the Twin Towers and the Pentagon, thousands died, more blood flowed, believers offered thoughts and prayers as if that was going to bring back the dead.
Evidence supports that in the wrong hands, the cults of religion and politics destroy life, progress, and prosperity.
So many innocent human beings have been brutally murdered in cold blood in schools, in churches, on the streets – by religiopolitical flag, religious book, political parchment, and weapon waving fanatics. Where are all the god or gods during all this bloody madness? If the god refuses to stop the cold blooded murder of HIS innocent children in a school, or worshpers in one of HIS own churchs – then it is my opinion that the god simply does not in fact exist. o
Why would an all-powerful creator god father being create evil?
Again, my own findings, experiences, observations, and the evidence all around me suggest that this, this reali~-~ted, and my energy will move on into another life form or natural process and I am 100% OK with and ready for th ‘ x
In the meantime, I have so much to do and not enough time to do it. Ther
If it was in fact so all-knowing and all-powerful, and such a good god… couldn’t he/she/they/them/it just choose to just NOT create bad things such as evil, hate, devils, demons, disease, pain, war, death, childhood cancer, viral infections, brain and body eating parasites, ticks, chiggers, fleas, malaria, bot flies, botulism, brainworms, and such? Couldn’t it just snap its fingers (like Thanos or Q*) and delete all these horrible things from existence and create only peace, love, health, prosperity, puppies, and happiness instead?
*BTW, I fully understand that these are fictional characters created by humans to tell a story and teach a lesson to the viewer/reader…just like Santa Claus, the easter bunny, the tooth fairy, Zeus, and all the thousands of other gods and goddesses made up by humans…but what i fail to understand is how a person of today can still choose to believe in the non-existence of all those ancient gods and modern myths, yet believe in their “one true god”…whichever one it is they have been taught is “real”…even though it has zero evidence supporting its reality…
Why are innocent little children and good, hard working, caring adults dying of cancer, disease, starvation, massive storms, floods, fires, disasters, alcoholism, war, disgusting parasites and disease, automobile, aircraft, and other accidents, ALS, AIDS, Malaria… why were people suffering from learning and developmental disorders, born deformed, or with debilitating autoimmune disorders, heart disease, etc,…why were and are slavery, prejudice, hatred, bullies, meanness, and war, – all just allowed to happen to innocent people everywhere by this so-called loving good god? It either does not love us, does not care about us, made many mistakes in the recipe, is not all powerful, did not create us, or simply it just does not actually exist.
Why were we taught to fear those labeled by some god-cult believers as witches, but not those lopping off their heads, hanging them, eviscerating, or burning them to death in greusome public spectacles?!?!?!?!
If killing is evil, why then is it OK and accepted by some believers to kill in the name of gods and religion like was done to the “witches” (women) and those with brown skin, or of indigenous heritage – and is also done so often in the Bible and other dusty old religious books? WHY!
Tangent time: why do some organisms have to kill, eat, infect and infest* other animals – and people to exist? (to me, this is yet even more irefutable peer reviewed evidence that we human beings are also animals) – *predators, parasites, scavengers, bacteria, viruses, etc.
If I were all powerful and wanted to create a life form, I would not design it to brutally kill or scavenge and then ingest my other creations to gain the energy it needs to survive – that is just bad engineering, it is messy, and it creates a breeding ground for germs. I would also not intentionally design and release microscopic – worms, ticks, fleas, mosquitoes, lice – and microscopic viral and bacterial (covid, plague, malaria, ebola, lyme disease, rocky mountain spotted fever, tetanus, hookworm, leeches, ) and so many other parasites and pathogens that use the bodies of others of my creations as food sources and/or incubators for more of their own kind while making my creations sick, in pain, dead, and/or vectors of said diseases/parasites to my other creations that I supposedly love – all that would be highly illogical, most counterproductive, and just twisted, sadistic, and morbidly sick.
What I would do is design an organism to be powered by endlessly renewable, clean, solar energy from the nearest star. This design would also eliminate the need to eat, bad teeth and cavities would not exist, we would not need to sloppily suck and slurp nutritional secretions from the breasts of our mothers, we would not need to eliminate (defacate and urinate)…the lack of all that would streamline the design even more by eliminating the entire digestive system…in other words, I would create plants. Maybe plants are the perfect organisms. Maybe, if there is a god being out there somewhere, maybe we meat munching, hairy, teat sucking, drooling, dripping, pooping, infected, mammals are a failed experiment that he/she/they/them/it couldn’t turn off due to our propensity to breed like…um, humans…hmmm.
Any engineer designing any machine would make it as simple and as low maintenance as possible, not the highly complex, chemically, physically, and spiritually needy, always breaking down, weak, mostly hairless, bipedal, apelike bodies our fragile meat-computer minds are stuck inside.
For more on this subject take a look at this from my friend Joe:
Enough said.
Plants.
Yes plants.
Yes, an omnipotent being would design plants, not people. It is common sense really.
There are over 300,000 species of plants…and only one species of human. Therefore, It seems clear to me that if there is an all powerful creator being somewhere out there, they are really happy with plants and kept churning out more and more species while ignoring the singular bipedal ape with the oversized brain that thinks it is so important.
End Tangent.
Continuing onward, what did the snake do to deserve all the hate? I have known many snakes and none of them ever talked to me or tried to get me to do “bad” things to others – they just tried to get away from the big scary mostly hairless cultish apes who are always killing and harming far more snakes, than snakes will ever kill or harm people…and sadly, they do so most often in the name of made up gods and fearful seperatist death worshiping cultish religions.
Why do so many people pray to an imaginary god/father figure to help/heal/save them when they are in danger, suffer natural disasters, are sick and/injured in the hospital – when it is the doctors, nurses, firefighters, EMT’s, police, military, SAR teams, engineering, and science teams who are the ones doing the saving, curing, protecting, healing? If their god was real and if he/she/it/them/they, truly existed and/or truly cared…wouldn’t it just choose to not put its creations in danger/pain/suffering in the first place? Why would it conjure up all these bad things to torment, harm, and even kill, its children? Wouldn’t it be like the shepherd/farmer who works very hard to keep his sheep and other livestock safe, healthy, happy, and away from the wolf (only to kill and ingest them later)? I guess not.
It also seems to me that this god fellow, and all the devils, heavens and hells, Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, and Sasquatch are the same – we are told by our elders they actually exist…somewhere…somehow…yet we never see any real evidence of any of them.
Funny thing, none of my elders could ever answer any of my probing questions. They would often even act afraid of my questions and then say things like “Dont ask such questions!” or “Pray to (their) god and it would reveal the answers you seek.” So I did, I prayed, because at the time I believed, so I was afraid…no, I was terrified of the angry, vengeful god, the pitchfork wielding grinning devils, and all the eternal fire and damnation the adults had repeatedly downloaded into my head since I was an innocent little baby with a brand new brain.
The years of fearful conditioning was getting to me. Yes, this was the world of my youth.
This is the cold reality of religious trauma, and to me, it could possibly even be considered a form of child abuse – but that is just my humble opinion.
They would also often say that god knows your thoughts. Really, if this is so, then why did/do we need to pray, couldn’t the all knowing god being just read our minds and know what we were thinking before we thought it?? They had no answers for me.
But no…no voices, no answers or insight came, and nothing at all ever changed.
Kids and adults still died from horrible diseases (a friend died suddenly in middle school from encephalitis), accidents (another friend died in a terrible car accident), and so many innocent did not know died horrible deaths at the hands of deranged lunatics with guns, knives, sticks, rocks, fire, poison, and sometimes they even took their own lives (my mother’s best friend offed herself with a rope and a good friend’s brother used his service pistol…and the list goes on and on.
As i am fond of saying – We are our own most limiting factor.
Fires, storms, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, tsunami, floods, still destroyed property, forests, nature, animals and people. People who worshiped a god, gods, or none at all – they all died equally. I suppose their gods did not care and I know for a fact that nature does not care one bit about any of us, so we must take care of ourselves and each other.
Huge oil, timber, and development companies and war machines destroyed and continue to rape vast tracts of pristine nature and indigenous civilization in the name of ephemeral profit, oil, coal, gas, gods, religion, and lame politics…and their gods just sit back and watch and let them destroy its creations…even innocent little children…why did the gods let them get away with it! I thought these gods were the ultimate shepherds presiding over their beloved flocks…where are the gods when their flocks needs them? What a terrible shepherd, obviously the gods that are stuck in so many people’s heads simply do not exist.
My childhood best friend had diabetes, I watched him suffer with it for decades. I also watched as the miracles of medical science saved him and keep him alive with insulin…not a god, not prayer – but medical science and engineering. Science works miracles every day – science is the god, and doctors, nurses, medicine and engineering are the angels and the miracles.
Yet, even with the medical marvels working miracles for many, the “demon” that is cancer still stalked and killed good people including three of my friends – two of them prayed to a god daily…but their god still killed them at a young age with horrible pain, suffering, and anguish.
AIDS killed countless humans until science slowed the killing. Science, not gods.
Another good friend of mine and her infant child were brutally killed by a drunk driver who fell asleep at the wheel – their car was torn in half – WHILE THEY WERE ON THE WAY TO CHURCH to pray to their almighty loving “good” god!! Their god is total bullshit. Their god is not real. If it was real it would have saved them!!! The drunk driver that killed them lived and is still out there driving around. WTF!
My wonderful adoptive dad suffered for years and died broken and alone from a prolonged, painful, toxic death from depression, alcohol and tobacco addiction. Where was his god when he needed him?
My beloved adoptive mother recently died at the hands of the mind eating “demon” that is dementia – it destroyed her beautiful mind and her body soon followed. She was a 2nd grade elementary school teacher and a devout Christian her entire life, she gave so much of her time and money to her students and to the church she co-founded with dad in the 1960’s, she helped so many people and was loved by so many, even though she never had much – yet her god chose to destroy her mind and kill her body slowly and painfully. What an ungrateful, hateful, sick and twistedly evil god it must be. Her death was the last straw that broke any remaining connections i had to that twisted cultish manufactured religious world. Her god killed my mother with torture, and I then killed her god with that evidence. Her god, the god of my youth is stone cold dead to me.
My biological father, a great protector of wildlife, nature, and the law, and a generous member of the community…lived for many months in great discomfort with kidney failure and horrible pain. The “miracles” of modern medical science and engineering kept him alive through dialysis and pain stopping surgery – but he suffered so much in his weak and failing body and in the last months of his life he was bedridden and unable to go home to be with those he loved. It tore my heart out to see him that way. It was a great releaf from the rigid wasteing darkness when he finally passed away. We all miss him greatly, but his pain and suffering is finally over.
What burns me deeply, like a white hot fire poker pushed slowly into my eye, is the knowledge that he spent his entire life protecting his god’s creation and its wonderful wild creatures from greedy, uncaring people, he preserved thousands of acres of wild lands (you know, that old creation thing), he protected good people from bad people…and yet, despite all the good he did for nature, his family, others, and for the world – where was his god when he needed it the most?!! Why WHY did he have to go through all that debilitating misery? His god did not help him, therefore, his god is dead to me.
A few years before his final fight, he and my siblings had to watch in heart ripping pain as their mother/his wonderful wife, an accomplished nurse who expertly cared for the sick and her family, was also attacked by the brain eating vampire that is dementia and swiftly succumbed to its voracious appetite for the minds of its victims. Where was their creator when all this was happening? Why didn’t it intervene? It is obvious to me that it either is powerless, does not care about its creations, or it simply does not exist. Her god is dead to me.
Two armed thugs broke into my cousin’s rural home in the middle of the night and brutally shot my elderly cousins. They wounded Danny and murdered Judy in cold blood – for what – money?!?! These were wonderful, helpful, well loved members of the small community in which they lived, they weren’t rich, they weren’t threatening, they were just good people… and yet they were brutally attacked and one died… why WHY!?!? Where was their god damn god?!?! Why didn’t it protect them from the demented greedy thugs?!?! WHY!!! BECAUSE IT DOES NOT EXIST – THATS WHY!!!
The damn predatory thugs escaped and are still out there, probably still thieving and killing. The uncaring god of my cousin is dead to me.
In early 2025, a favorite YouTube creator of mine – The Desert Drifter – was in a horrible automotive accident and he later passed away. Why! His videos were so well done, so educational, so beautiful in how they shared a love and respect for the land and for ancient cultures – and in his videos he and his wife spoke of how they were Christians and loved God. Yet, their god brutally killed him – so his god is dead to me.
Steve Irwin, aka The Crocodile Hunter – worked hard to educate people on the value of wildlife and nature. He protected vast tracts of land from development, he did so much good…but he was killed by one of the wild creatures he loved. Why!!! Why didnt his god protect him?!? His god is dead to me.
Why are so many innocent kids still dying, starving, suffering?
Why do so many of us endlessly suffer from physical and mental health issues when we could be productive members of society?
Why are innocent people still kidnapped, enslaved, trafficked, addicted to drugs?
Why are war and hate still rampant?
Why are despicable heartless people like adolph hitler and donald trump allowed to spread fear, incite hate, rape, rule, murder, and destroy?
Why did hundreds of thousands die in that big tsunami, earthquake, volcanic eruption, hurricane, flood, wildfire, war, plane crash, plague, pandemic?
What did all those human beings ever do to this so called loving, all powerful god that gave he/she/it/them/they the right to “punish”, harm, and brutally kill all those innocent people, all those mothers, fathers, sons and daughters, and little babies???
None of that is love, it is indifference, it is outright hate. It is as if he/she/they/them/it (god) is a cat tormenting, mauling, and then viciously killing all the mice (us) for its own sick and twisted enjoyment…or, as evidence suggests – it is far more likely that, like Santa, Zeus, Sasquatch, and Nessie – it simply does not actually exist and was invented by ancient people to explain the how and why of things happening around them.
Over all the years, all my genuinely thoughtful, probing questions never have been successfully answered. The believers would just say deflecting, reason, curiosity, and thought cancelling things such as “our father works in mysterious ways” or “its in gods hands” and the old “pray about it.” What a total and complete copout.
When I was in my teens, I began to notice all the rich politicians grinning through their teeth while kissing random babies and making empty promises on TV…and the bible thumping preaching pontiffs in church on Sunday (and on TV) asking for money from my mom and so many others – who didn’t have much money – it was then that I began to see through their cultish insanity. What would a rich politician, preacher, or omnipotent, supreme being need with my beloved mom’s very limited money? Oh right, they need it to pay homage to their god(s) by constructing mega churches, mansions, private jets, giant wooden non floating arks full of manufactured religiopolitical propaganda and outright lies (see the religious fanatic Ken Hamm and his Ark Encounter monstrosity)…their one true god is the almighty dollar. If you cannot see that, you need some professional help.
As the decades passed by I conducted extensive research by reading many books by many great thinkers, scholars, religious types, as well as many ancient religious texts, I studied ancient cultures, their myths, gods, etc., and came to realize the following:
While many religions started out with good intentions and their followers do in fact do good works, help people, and so on…many more are just corrupt businesses built upon the backs of all the ancient fearful books, myths, stories, and so on. So much blood, pain, suffering, hate, war, and so much needless death in the name of so many different gods – they are nothing more than cults of personality, control, and profit.
When I was in my 20s I began to realize I didn’t need any of them in my life. They were creating far more questions, anxiety, depression, and trouble in my mind, my world, and in the world as a whole, and I did not want any part in their malignant mythological madness.
Yet, at the same time I also noticed around me that some believers and religious types and their teachings and organizations were presenting good life lessons for anyone to learn and yes, many followers of today’s religiopolitical organizations are truly great people who do actually help those in need, and work very hard to make a better future for us all, and that is very good and very needed. While I fully applaud and support their selfless acts and humanitarian actions, I am not at all concerned about those that do good deeds in the name of a god, religion, or lack therof. What deeply concerns me are the cultish lunatic fringe dwelling extremist evangelical types that will not accept or even consider anything outside their chosen system of belief. Those who are quick to judge others, quick to twist, edit, modify, and even re-manufacture the words and teachings of their stone tablets, dusty old books, scrolls, and documents, to suit their fear and hate driven agendas and desire for profit, control, and belonging to their chosen cult…all while working behind the scenes to incite fear, hate, and to divide us from each other – some even go so far as to kill others and/or destroy property, and even go to war in the name of their god/religion/politics – the religiopolitical soup they are swimming within. That is so very wrong and it is not helping anything or anyone.
As a wise person once said:
“A very powerful and profound statement indeed. And expresses my thoughts why I have nothing for the American Brand of Christianity, nor Evangelical Christianity. It is a threat to humanity, the Earth, and Christianity overall. “To the church of my youth, What did you expect me to do? You taught me to love my neighbors, to model the life of Jesus. To be kind and considerate, and to stand up for the bullied. You taught me to love people, consider others as more important than myself. You taught me to sing “red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight.” We sang it together, pressing the volume pedal and leaning our hearts into the chorus. You said that “He loved all the children of the world”. You taught me to love my enemies, to even do good to those who wish for bad things. You taught me to never “hate” anyone and to always find ways to encourage people. You taught me it’s better to give than receive, to be last instead of first. To help the poor, the widow, the stranger at the gate. You taught me that Jesus looks at what I do for the least-of-these as the true depth of my faith. You taught me to focus on my own sin and not to judge. You taught me to be accepting and forgiving. So I paid attention. I took in every lesson. And I did what you taught me. But now, you call me a “libtard”. A queer-lover. You call me “woke.” A backslider. You call me a heretic. You make fun of my heart. You mock the people I’m trying to help. You say I’m a child of the devil. You call me soft. A snowflake. A socialist. You shun the very people you told me to help. What did you expect me to do? I thought you were serious, but apparently not. You hate nearly all the people I love. You stand against nearly all the things I stand for. I’m trying to see a way forward, but it’s hard when I survey all the hurt, harm, and darkness that comes in the wake of your beliefs and presence. What did you expect me to do? I believed it all the way. I’m still believing it all the way. Which leaves me wondering, what happened to you?”
—Chris Kratzer”
All that said, and after much soul searching, it is now my humble opinion, based upon my years of research, life experience, observation, anxiety, doubt, and oh so much religiopolitical trauma, that I feel compelled to suggest the following…and remember, the only evidence i have that allows me to make this suggestion, is a great and deep pit that is lacking any measurable repeatable evidence.
This experience and gigantic lack of evidence suggests to me the following;
All the gods, religions, etc. all of them – are based upon stories made up by countless tribes of ancient early agrarian peoples from all over the planet to help them understand the world around them, and to comfort them from the cold hard realities of nature and of death, teach lessons of living in a society, and/or control the masses in support of an elite, greed, power, and control driven ruling class of bigmen, kings, queens, chiefs, and politicians.
Over the thousands of years since they were written – not by a god or gods – but by early humans who’s consciousness was awakening to the realities around them and had them questioning what they were experiencing – these ancient stories were then passed down, edited, adapted, modified, and manipulated to fit the needs and desires of kings, queens, chiefs, politicians, and bigmen – and yet even more blood flowed, millions more died in flames, at the gallows, in horrible torturous dungeons, while masses of believers watched and jeered in fear and support of the senseless killing by the leaders of the believers. Still more countless innocents perished under the stones, spears, fire, guns, germs, and steel, in the name of crowns, thrones, and politics, invisible lines in the sand, imaginary gods, and many more blood-soaked religious cults.
Oh, and let us not forget the countless babies, young children, virgins, those labeled witches and/or different, and many others that have been brutally sacrificed, murdered, burned, had their beating hearts torn from their chest, been brutally molested and raped by bent priests and politicians, left bleeding or freezing on an altar stone on top of a mountain, tossed into volcanoes, and/or enslaved in the name of countless religions and countless gods over countless centuries…why did the god or gods allow his creations, his children, to destroy his other creations, his other children – it makes no sense at all. If I were the parent of a child who started acting like some people do today (and back into deep history as evidenced in the archeological record), I would surely not let them get away with the heinous and bloody acts and tantrums they have perpetrated upon other humans – some they even claim to love. I would punish them gently, and I would teach them how to treat each other. I would be a good father and I would lead by example.
Where is he. Where is this god(father) when his children harm, disrespect, enslave, bully, rape, kill, and massacre others in HIS name?
Where was he in the gas chambers of Auschwitz, in all the wars, in the aftermath of all the hurricanes, tsunami, fires, floods, plagues, and on and on. Where was he?! Where is he now?
What about the bizarre, yet bizarrely accepted practice in some religions of allowing newborn babies to have their tender young genitals mutilated under the knife (or even the mouth!! – yes, it is a thing.) in the name of their parent’s chosen religion – myself included – what kind of loving god so brainwashes its believers that they freely choose to commit this barbaric and sadistic act!!!??? What right did they and do they still have to commit such a heinous, destructive, and traumatic act in the first fragile moments of the life of a brand new human!!!??? It is a truly despicable and disgusting blood soaked ritual that must be abolished. It was not yours to chop or bite off in the name of your imaginary god!!! I want my foreskin back!!! Yes, I went there.
Then, not that long ago, twisted lunatic fringe dwelling religious fanatics killed even more people by hijacking and flying passenger airplanes full of innocent people into the Twin Towers and the Pentagon, thousands died, more blood flowed, believers offered thoughts and prayers as if that was going to somehow magically bring back the dead. WTAF!
So many innocent human beings have been brutally murdered in cold blood in schools, in churches, on the streets – by religiopolitical flag, book, political parchment, and weapon waving fanatics. Where are all the god or gods during all this bloody madness? If a god refuses to stop the cold blooded murder of HIS innocent children in a school, or of devought worshpers in HIS own churches – then it is my opinion that the god simply does not in fact exist.
The reality is this: All these gods we humans have dreamed up – exist ONLY in the minds of their worshipers.
Evidence supports that, in the wrong hands, religion and politics destroys life, progress, and prosperity.
Then, even more recently, some truly misguided religiopolitical cultish types tossed into the mad mix – old dead flags, toxic hyper-nationalism, stories of “promised” lands, guns, hate, fear, money, oil, division, prejudice, control, and so on…and now we have a very dangerous situation that may just blow up in our faces – if we let it. We must not let it.
Again, my own findings, experiences, observations, and the evidence and lack thereof all around me suggest that this:
The visible, measurable, tangible reality of nature all around us, is the only reality – it is all there is, and there is nothing more.
I believe this is the great fact that so many believers fear. They fear the reality of our shared existence. They do not want to believe that they are just another animal at the mercy of the whims of nature. They fear their own mortality. The fear their kinship with nature.
I do not fear this reality. I cherish my connection to the animals and the natural world. In fact, my connection to nature is a soaring spiritual experience.
I do not fear my own eventual death. I did not exist for billions of years before I did, and when I’m gone, I will not know it. The remains of my body will be recycled back into nature from where it originated, and my energy will move on into another life form or natural process – and I am 100% ready for that factual eventuality.
While I do not fear my own eventual death, I will however miss being alive, I will greatly miss the ones I love….but i won’t because I will be dead.
In the meantime, I have so much to do and not enough time to do it. Therefore, I should live while I’m here, enjoy and experience what it means to be concious in and of this life I am living. I will love, do good things for others, make a positive difference for the future, leave things better than I found them – IMHO that is what this life is all about….it is not about unending blind devotion to an imaginary superhero-like friend or a bloated toxic mouth-breathing puppet politician.
Clearly you can see that I am unhappy with the way things work and I’m angry at the way our culture seems to be working very hard to vector its highly fermented, souring, infectious death cult religious culture to its youth.
I talk big and often spout certainty at uncertainty…and at all the thousands of gods created by us ephemeral bipedal multicolored mostly hairless primates…but honestly, is there a god or gods – I do not know and I do not care.
What I do know is that I will not speculate, claim, or believe anything just because someone tells me to do so unless that thing is supported by peer-reviewed evidence – not magical or fearful thinking.
I do not have any evidence at all to support that any gods do or do not exist, but if evidence is ever found to support a controlling creator being existing on a level outside of our reality as we understand it, and/or the existence of a non-corrupt, empathetic, caring, politician – I will adapt my understandings of these things, accept them if the evidence is sound, and go on with my life. Until that time, I will not blindly follow the ancient dogma, and malignant myths, madness, and magical mysticism promoted by the masses.
Yes, I suppose all this makes me an agnostic, a humanist, a free spirit, or some other label…and I’m 100% OK with that.
Nor will I treat any politician or pontiff like a king, hero, or savior and I will not give them any of what little money I have…they take enough as it is in the form of taxes.
Yes, I will vote – but only because as a citizen of this country and this planet, it is my duty and I must have a say in the future of things. However, I will never vote party or personality, I will always vote for evidence-supported logic, reason, and reality. I will always honor facts and evidence. I.E. If the facts and evidence support that a politician or pontiff committed crimes against our country, humanity, and nature – then that individual will never receive my vote.
Going a bit back in time again – for young me, the damage had already been done. The well-meaning adults of my childhood had unknowingly created a massive mental block, a thick wall of rutting mythological religious madness and strutting political nonsense blocking out reality, to form in my mind. A thick wall of religious and political mental trauma that followed me around for decades and held me down like a lead anchor intentionally designed by its ancient forgers to restrict and limit my movements in the one and only life that I was living. Despite the fact that none of it, none of the twisted greedy politics and bizarre fabricated religious antics of the human being has ever made any sense to me, and it still does not make any sense to me at all…but the mass of the heavy anchor was still there…anchoring me to the devious dictates of the past, weighing me down with imaginary imagery and deep seated fears of things that do not exist. But that is the nature of trauma is it not?
Despite my lack of understanding – then and now as to why people continue to blindly follow these ancient destructive, divisive, cultish, irrational dictates, – my own research, education, and experiences soon led me out of the dark, limiting shroud of religiopolitical trauma and allowed me to destroy the imaginary gods and demons that had been existing only within my mind and tormenting me for so many decades.
While I destroyed the demons and broke the chains – the ghosts of the decades of religiopolitical conditioning, the programming, and the brainwashing from all sides – they remain to this day, burned like a hot brand on my mind by the world I grew up in. Often, it takes considerable energy to overcome these ghosts and think my own thoughts without the ghost of a god or devil attempting to pop into the mix and stir things up. This is the sad reality of religiopolitical trauma.
The great irony of the entire thing was that the well-meaning people from my childhood, all their friends and followers, the media, movies, and tv shows, they had all unknowingly been corrupted by the teachings of their elders and their cultures. They then created and curated all the gods, devils, heavens and hells they feared so deeply within their own minds and within their own culture. They promoted the ideas and the twisted images of hell for them (and for me) to live in within their own minds, an imaginary mental hell full of the very fires, devils, demons, and a heaven with a vengeful, hateful, selfish, judgemental, god – surrounded by winged angels – sitting upon a huge golden throne glaring down on the world like a toxic old father, or a bullying boss who would harshly discipline you and/or terminate you on a whim. They created all the things they all feared so much and then passed their toxic fairy tale creations on to their children.
I remember most of them all as good, caring, loving, people – why couldn’t they break the cycle, why couldn’t they break down the walls of trauma as I have done… as I am still trying to do? I’m not special? What gives me the ability to see through the smoke, mirrors, and snake oil created by the fearful hunter-gatherers, farmers, and controlling greedy charlatans so long ago and so recently? Why couldn’t they do so as well??? Maybe they were/are addicted to the bizarre religiopolitical ideas they have worshipped for so long, maybe they are comfortable in their illusions and that is all they need.
After the thick walls of religiopolitical trauma finally came tumbling down and i broke free from the anchor, it was as if I bobbed to the surface of a sea of darkness and was thrust into the light and I awoke from my fitful, traumatized, terrorized sleep. I was finally free of most of the mental darkness and madness…but the ghosts of the past do still linger, lurking deep in the dark recesses of my subconscious like the Balrog of Morgoth.
Life does not have to be this way.
Yes, I know some of you may feel the need to judge and call me “woke” “damned” “lost” a “black sheep” or “free spirit” – whatever. Question: why are you so judgmental of MY lack of adoption of YOUR beliefs? They are your beliefs, not mine. My beliefs should not matter to you unless your cult leaders have given you a task to assimilate others into your flock, fold, or party…if that is the case then you really need to get some professional help before you are the cause of anothers demise.
Do you feel the need to dislike or even hate or attack me? What have I done to hurt you? Why do you feel the need to attack me for my lack of your beliefs? It is my choice to not believe as you choose to. Why do you feel the need to attack others for having beliefs different than yours…and I know, it seems like that is what I’m doing here. Maybe that is what it looks like, but that is not my intention. My intention was to share my story, my experience, my long road to trying to find my real self, to heal myself.
My goal also is to analyze the system, the matrix we are all stuck inside.
I know, I have probably made some of you uncomfortable*, I may have somehow unknowingly threatened your beliefs and hopefully, that made you think outside of them, to analyze them for what they really are.
I have been uncomfortable with all this religion and political madness as long as I can remember. But finally, I feel like I am putting it behind me. Finally I feel like I am my own person. Finally I feel truly free.
Hopefully my story has inspired you think outside the box you may have been trapped inside for so long.
But if you are afraid of thinking, knowledge, reality, then I am unable to help you.
Go ahead, call me names, feel free to say what you will, that is your choice and that is your problem. I am not concerned with what you think about my choices, they are MY choices, not yours – I care what I think. Last I looked this is a free country and freedom applies to everyone, not just your religiopolitically modified ideas of what it should be.
However, I do respect what you choose to think and believe, and you are free to think it, believe it, and fully free to choose it. However, if your choices bully, target, and harm others, and/or threaten their personal freedoms and my personal freedoms in the name of your chosen religion and/or your politics – then you are a danger to yourself and others and you may benefit from some serious professional help.
Throughout this longterm self analysis and observation, I have finally realized that I am the owner of my own mind, and my own thoughts such as they are and as imperfect as they are, and I can make my own decisions and live my own life. I will not let those with cultish, controlling, agendas control my mind and my decision making process.
I choose to think for myself.
The real question here is this: when will all of the believers and followers of all the bizarre and twisted myths and evidenceless prophets and profit driven charlatans ever wake up from their dreams and accept reality for what it is…I do not know. What I do know is that from my observational point of view – the reality of nature, consciousness, and existence is all there is.
If I am able to help even one person step out of the mists of myth and madness and find a way to accept the reality of reality by sharing my story, then I have made a difference.
If any of this sounds familiar and/or if you believe that you, or someone you love has been the recipient of religious, political, or other lunatic-fringe toxic dogma, elite clubs, cults, or secret societies, and the resulting traumatizing emotional state they seek to instill in your mind – maybe it is time you get some professional help and break down the thick walls of religiopolitical trauma that separate you from the reality of reality.
We all only have a finite amount of uptime, it is our choice what we do with the time we have.
Choose wisely. Knowledge Conquers Fear. Free your mind. Do good things. Leave things better than you found them. Coexist. One Love.
Note: I will continue to update this post and it’s comments with new insight and unique observations of others who have inspired me to think outside of the highly restrictive box I recently escaped from. Feel free to add your own stories, insight, memes, etc.
I recently visited the local recycling station to drop off some items. While there, I noticed several vehicles just sitting, idling, air conditioning on, doors open – while their owners made several trips back and forth from their cars to the bins to drop off their recycling/garbage. I suppose I could understand it if your juvenile offspring, canine, feline, or elderly family member were in the car…but no, all your cars were empty.
About an hour later I find myself sitting in my silent, solar-charged, electric vehicle (a 2019 Chevrolet Bolt EV) in a bank drive-through teller line – again listening to the idling internal combustion engines all around me. I could not help but wonder if the drivers of all those legacy vehicles, at the recycle station and now at the bank, were aware of or even cared one little bit about how much fuel and money their highly inefficient vehicles were wasting while sitting there just idling…just burning up so much fuel and wasting their hard-earned money while blowing copious clouds of toxic life and climate harming exhaust effluent into our shared atmosphere…all while the fat fossil fuel pushers laugh all the way to the bank.
The biggest fact about idling that many are probably not aware of: When idling, your vehicle is getting ZERO miles per gallon. If that is not enough to make you rethink idling then check this out:
Now, please consider the following.
I have questions – lots of them:
Do the people who let their vehicles idle for extended periods care at all about the air they breathe? I’m sure most of them do, but maybe they are not in a place where they are able to upgrade to an electric vehicle. OK, I can understand that – I have been in that place.
Answer: Turn off your engine while you wait.
Do they want their children and grandchildren to breathe polluted air – the same air they are polluting by their inefficient transportation choices? I would say no, they do not want their kids to breathe toxic air.
Answer: See the previous answer.
Do they want to send their kids and grandkids off to fight wars over finite, polluting, resources? I sure hope not, what a waste of lives, resources, time, and money.
Answer: See the previous answer.
Are they at all concerned about all the money they are wasting by using such an inefficient fuel source? Many people are not aware of how much fuel/money is wasted by idling.
Answer: See the embedded video.
Are they hot so they need to run the air conditioning to be comfortable. In today’s ever-warming climate change-impacted world – yes, they may be hot. They may have children, pets, elderly/infirm people, and/or ice cream in the vehicle with them. Heat could harm these individuals/frozen confections.
Answer: Get an EV. They do not need to idle an engine to keep the AC/heat on. Their HVAC system runs off the traction battery and is far more efficient than idling an internal combustion engine just to run the HVAC system – and it does not pollute the air.
Have they ever thought about what they will do when the finite fuel source that powers their vehicle becomes harder to find* and eventually runs out? Will their legacy vehicle become a yard ornament, a monument to the energy sources of the past?..or will they sell it before its value bottoms out and it becomes a stranded asset. *When this happens these finite fuel sources will become far more expensive thereby creating even more environmental destruction and even more wars to acquire them.
Answer: They will either pridefully pay a premium to continue driving/idling their legacy vehicle – or they will upgrade to electric.
I do not fault most* of them because they are products of the culture we live in. Many are just living day to day, blissfully unaware that many things in their comfortable, predictable, comfort zone are not exactly what they seem.
They are complacent in their societal and self-imposed little boxes and they do not and will not step outside because their fear of change stops them. They are not bad people – just everyday good people who have not or can not try thinking about what their life would be like if they took the needed steps to make it better and made a change. Many of us find it very hard to change, and to think about tomorrow, even though change is the way of nature and tomorrow is all we have.
*The ones I fault for these problems are not the ones who created these technologies – they did what needed to be done with what they had, and without their ingenuity and resourcefulness, we would not be where we are today. The ones I find the most at fault are the ones who are intentionally trying to stop positive progress from happening, the ones who have loads of money and resources tied up in the toxic energy and transportation choices of the past, and those who promote the continued use of these toxic products that are harming all of us and all our shared futures.
Answer: Step up and step outside of your comfort zone. Change is the way of nature. Change is good.
All these things are most concerning to me.
These are only a few of the reasons why, a decade ago this month, my wife and I chose to make the switch to driving fully electric vehicles powered by locally sourced renewable energy whenever possible.
Electric vehicles use almost no energy when sitting still therefore: Driving electric = no idling = no wasted fuel, no wasted money, no polluted air, no degraded future.
Think about it.
Sadly, many still refuse to think about it or accept it so this is still many of us…
…but there is hope on the horizon.
Only you can prevent the next generation from becoming addicted to the finite and highly expensive* subscription to dependency that the big oil pushers keep pushing. *Expensive in out-of-pocket costs, environmental costs, health costs, energy security, and national security costs.
It is time to fight for our independence from fossil fuels. It is time to fight for a cleaner, healthier environment for our kids, and grandkids, for all our futures.
It is time to go electric and go distributed domestic renewable energy sources. It is time to kick the dirty old fossils to the curb and vote with your money by investing in companies and technologies that work to make a better future for us all.
These changes may take time, but as long as we are all moving in the right direction we are all doing good things.
The power of nature, of earth, air, fire, rock, and water, of the immensity of cosmic and geologic time…is beyond anything any of us tiny, insignificant humans can ever really contemplate or totally understand…but we can try.
When we climb a multi-million-year-old rock face such as Yosemite or Looking Glass, wade in an ancient living river like the New or Yangtze, fish a thriving estuary such as the Everglades, dive an ageless reef, explore the depths of a limestone cavern, hold a handful of beach sand from a New Zealand or Carolina beach, wander the sheltered rich coves of the ancient Appalachians or Amazon, or traverse the frozen expanses of the Columbia glacier….we see first hand the products of deep time and we must stand in awe and wonder at the power and beauty of nature and the incredible spans of time, evolutionary experimentation, gravitational and geologic forces that it has taken to arrive all of us–the luckiest survivors–at this moment.
You, the being science calls human, that is reading these words, you are alive, thinking, and understanding these words I am writing due to the millions of environmentally dictated successful mutations passed down in the DNA of millions of interconnected creatures stretching back through deep time to the first spark of life on this planet. You are connected through your DNA to me, to that fruit fly, to that houseplant, that snake, that cat, that bacterium clinging to your cat’s foot, the bird singing in the tree, the tree, the whale swimming in the ocean, and even the fossilized T-Rex buried in the depths of the earth…every creature, plant, bacteria, fungi…every living thing that is living and has ever lived on earth – you are connected to and are a part of them all–without all of them you, human, you would not exist. To know, to understand, and to accept this knowledge is just an amazing and incredible–and powerfully humbling yet upliftingly spiritual thing.
You are a way for life and the universe to know and contemplate its own existence.
This knowledge we possess is powerful, humbling, and could be very dangerous or extremely productive for all life on spaceship Earth. We must decide how we are going to use this knowledge – for “good” or for “evil.” The future of all life, all that is human, animal, and vegetable is in our hands.
Please, make good choices that benefit not just you and your “club” “group” “flock” “tribe” “clan” or “people” – but everyone and everything living.
Please learn and then teach your kids – or the “kids” of others if you are a teacher – about better ways to share, accept, relate, communicate, and coexist with each other and with nature.
Please share with them the workings of nature, art, music, and the sciences.
Please take them for long walks in the forest.
Please spend quality time with them and let them play, grow, read, create, make, do, experience, grow, and live for something greater than themselves.
Stevo's Personal Blog 